


In sleep we do not question

by tokkigori



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Dreams, Freeform, M/M, Manga Canon, They do everything they would have done, if you haven't finished the manga then I strongly advise you to ignore this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 13:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16305707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokkigori/pseuds/tokkigori
Summary: Eiji and Ash through the ages, through dreams.





	In sleep we do not question

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very airy wavy curly fic, fueled by the power of sleep deprivation and horrible formatting.

 

 

Sometimes Ash arrives just before Eiji is about to board his flight.

A shout and fast footsteps brings him into view just behind Eiji's farewell party.

For a moment they just stare at each other across the distance before Ash starts to make his way through his gang, jostling them aside playfully and grinning as they yell encouragement and bid him farewell.

In his left hand he’s clutching onto Eiji’s letter and waving his passport as if to say _'I got your memo'_ and in his right he’s holding an overnight duffel bag _._

"Hey there," he says once he's within reach, all smiles, almost teasing. 

“You made it,” Eiji says, voice tight, feeling his smile break at the same time Ash leans in to wipe away a tear with his thumb.

“Missed me already, old man?” Ash quips but his voice is soft.

Eiji can’t even pretend to be offended so he laughs and reaches out to hold onto Ash’s wrist, feeling grounded by the pulse beating steadily in his vein. He feels a bit overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by feelings of tentative joy.

“You made it,” he repeats, mostly to himself, tightening his hold on Ash, but Ash just smiles at him as if he understands.

He most probably does. They were both alike in that regard.

Ibe-san clears his throat and makes the suggestion that they should board now or else they’ll miss the flight.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Ash is typing up a research paper in their living room when Eiji returns from work.  

“Brought hamburgers,” Eiji calls out from their hallway, slipping off one shoe at a time and then loosening his tie. “Didn’t know which one you felt like tonight so I brought four kinds.”

Ash takes off his glasses and stretches both arms to the ceiling before hopping off the sofa and walking over to take the takeaway bags from Eiji's burdened arms.

“Thanks,” he says as he leans in to press a small kiss to Eiji’s cheek, smiling when Eiji blinks owlishly at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” Eiji says quickly, shuffling towards their bedroom to avoid Ash’s teasing.

It’s been years since they have been together but he still gets easily flustered. He can’t help it. He doubts anybody could, not with somebody as amazing as Ash dropping affection so casually.

Eiji hums an old tune as he quickly gets changed and washes his hands in the adjoining bathroom before slipping back into their kitchen. Ash is already seated and taking out their burgers from their confines.

They both settle down into their seats and start digging in. The grease and ambiguous meat like substance still worries Eiji, but Ash looks happy that they’re not having tofu for once.

Ash asks about his day at the office and Eiji asks about his masters project.

Everything is normal.

Everything is good.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Ash beats him to the punch by getting down on one knee in the park behind their apartment.

This time it happens completely out of nowhere and Eiji can’t help but groan in frustration because he was planning on doing it tonight as well.

Snow is falling in clumps and it clings to Ash’s lashes and at the ends of his hair. The lamp light encases him in gold and it’s frankly disconcerting how he’s grown even more beautiful over the years. 

“I had a long speech planned but I...well...” Ash looks up at him, expression nervous and tad bit embarrassed, and Eiji's love for him swells up so suddenly thay he almost chokes on it. “You know I love you more than anything and that I will never be able to love anybody else, right? You mean the world to me - have for a very long time now … and I was hoping that you felt the same.”

The ring is a simple golden band with small onyx stone in the centre.

“Black like your eyes,” Ash supplies without prompting, earnestly searching Eiji’s face for a reaction. 

And it's ridiculous and annoying and perfect how stupid they both are for waiting so long if it was going to happen like this.

“Of course I’ll say yes,” Eiji says with a huff, kneeling down to present Ash with his ring - gold with a single emerald.

“Oh,” Ash whispers.

And there they are.

Two grown men sniffling back their tears, kneeling on the sidewalk next to a ‘do not walk on the grass’ sign, fumbling to guide their engagement rings on each other.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Ash is still seventeen and sitting on the window ledge, looking out at the dawning sun, thoughts miles away and ahead of those around him - solitary and hurting.

He catches Eiji staring and stares back. They are both silent and regarding, not yet knowing how much they would come to rely on each other.

"Morning."

Eiji offers a small smile in reply and shuffles over to where Ash is to lean against the opposite beam. The sunrise is beautiful over Manhattan.

"It's the only time of day that this godforsaken city looks good."

"Reminds me of Tokyo. Sort of."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. But there's more...rubbish here."

Ash laughs then. Eyes crinkling at the corners.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Eiji knows that it’s a dream before Ash speaks a word. Because no matter how vivid the dream, nothing can capture Ash in all his essence. Those dreams are awful because he really doesn't want to acknowledge that he's dreaming but at the same time he doesn't want to wake up.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Ash isn’t in his dreams at all and Eiji wakes up feeling his absence even before he opens his eyes.

Those days are the worst because he worries that he's starting to forget what Ash looked like, what his voice sounded like, the vibrancy of his existence seeming to fade with each day that passes.

"It's like that for me as well - for Shorter," Sing confesses one day. "But then I forgive myself because it's been almost ten years."

He turns to look at Eiji, places a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sure Ash wouldn't want you to do this to yourself, Eiji. It's okay to move on."

(Is it though? Is it really okay for him to live a normal life? To enjoy things that Ash could only dream of? Is it okay for him to revisit his home town and attend festivals and eat natto and - was that it? Was there nothing to life except living and dying and moving on and forgetting and...)

"I'll try. Thanks for worrying about me."

 

 

 

 

 

"You know, I always dream about you."

"Do you now?" Ash lifts an eyebrow and closes his book. He shifts his body so that he's facing Eiji more, face half-thrown into sunlight. "What am I like in those dreams of yours?"

"Most of the time you're happy."

"Hmm. That's nice."

"Yeah. You tend to smile a lot."

He hears Ash chuckle.

"What else?" he asks, voice brighter than before.

"We get married and own a pet dog."

"No way."

"Yes way."

"What breed?"

"A golden retriever."

"They're nice."

Eiji turns to his side and props his cheek on his arm, watching Ash watch him with fond eyes.

He's beautiful here. As always.

"Hey, Eiji," Ash says tentatively, after a moment passes. "Promise me that you'll be happy."

The dream is getting hazy, details blurring into nothing.

"I can't promise that."

The sun is setting now and casts an orange glow around the room. 

"Remember when you told me that I was human and would know when to stop climbing the mountain? That goes for you too."

Eiji mulls over that for a while before he admits quietly, "I'm not ready to forget you. Everybody tells me I should, but I can't."

Ash doesn't say anything after that.

They watch the sunset together in silence.

 

 

 

 

 

I know.

You didn't ask me for forever, but I can't help but give it to you.

 

 


End file.
